Week 14 (December 14 - 20, 2015)

1. Dance Piece
Last Wednesday (December 16) we were tasked to share a 2-4min Solo Dance Piece for Movement class. I'm at a point in my life where I am realizing that a considerable part of my artistic choices have been influenced by notions of what I think I "should" be doing. Where, when and how I internalized those notions, I am not quite sure. But unconsciously making those choices have taken a lot of the fun and the joy out of what I do for such a long time. I am in a very good place to revisit or explore what it is that truly moves me vs what I think people expect me to do.
Preparing for this Dance Piece was a step towards the latter direction. I remember as a Theatre student in ADMU, I was tasked to prepare a movement piece as well. I didn't quite know myself then as much as I do now, and I do not remember what movement piece I did but I distinctly remember my movement teacher saying, "I expected more from you, Regina" and that really hit me. Then, I was so concerned about pleasing other people (especially my teachers) that I have somehow lost myself in the process. Now I am in a better place to say, "Fuck that!" and be more true and investigative towards what moves me from within. 
In the beginning of preparing for my dance piece (i.e. creating movement "studies") I still gave in a little to having to create something "dancy" since we were tasked to do a "Dance Piece." As I went deeper into the process the movements became more true to the expression of how I felt and at the same time, they became more distilled, less dancy and more of a "ritual."

This was how it went:
I placed a red Ifugao-patterned blanket diagonally across the performing space and used a chalk to draw a circle around it. I went in the circle and lied down to my side at the center of the red Ifugao blanket/chalk circle. The music "With a Smile" (Eraserheads) began playing. I slowly move a foot and twitch. My eyes open. I lie to my back and try to get up with the center of my body leading. As I move up a piercing pain knives through my heart and I am sent back down to the floor. I feel for my chest using my right hand and in spite of the piercing pain I pull myself up with force. I walk but I hit my head by somewhere I couldn't see. Later I realize I was enveloped within the circle. I investigate the circle, try to find its boundaries and touch it. Every time I do so, I pierce my heart. I try to see the scope of the boundaries of the circle by bravely sending my hand across the entire circumference in spite of the pain. I try to push the circle out, even pound it with my fists but the more I push or pound the greater the pain it bulldozes through my heart and I am sent hurling back towards floor at the eye of the circle. I cannot get out, nor can I let anyone in.
I see the red Ifugao blanket I fell upon. I lift it with my fingers and investigate it. I drop it once. Seeing how futile it is I hurl it in front of me in frustration. When I see where it has fallen, I realize one end of the blanket has gotten through the other side of the circle. In curiosity, I lift the blanket and court danger by hurling it through the boundaries and back. Interestingly, I feel no pain. I try to touch the edge with my finger = pain. I hurl the blanket through = no pain. I keep doing this across several areas = same result. I go to the eye of the circle and play with this magical blanket until I decide to hold it on the edges and wrap it around my neck as a sort of "superhero cape." And with this red Ifugao cape that protects me from pain I blur/erase the edges of the circle until there is nothing that stands in my way. As I go back to the eye of the circle, I take a deep breath and face the sun. I walk towards it with the blanket draped over my body and the palm of my right hand facing upward open to receive the light. In my mind I say, "I am free. I am free."

With A Smile
Aloha Milkyway Album
Eraserheads

Lift your head, baby, don't be scared
Of the things that could go wrong along the way
You'll get by with a smile
You can't win at everything but you can try.

Baby, you don't have to worry
'Coz there ain't no need to hurry
No one ever said that there's an easy way
When they're closing all their doors
And they don't want you anymore
This sounds funny but I'll say it anyway.

Girl I'll stay through the bad times
Even if I have to fetch you everyday
I'll get by if you smile
You can never be too happy in this life.

In a world where everybody
Hates a happy ending story
It's a wonder love can make the world go round
And don't let it bring you down
And turn your face into a frown
You'll get along with a little prayer and a song.

(Too doo doo...)
Let me hear you sing it
(Too doo doo...)

In a world where everybody
Hates a happy ending story
It's a wonder love can make the world go round

But don't let it bring you down
And turn your face into a frown
You'll get along with a little prayer and a song.

Lift your head, baby, don't be scared
Of the things that could go wrong along the way
You'll get by with a smile
Now it's time to kiss away those tears goodbye

(Too doo doo...)
Let me hear you sing it
(Too doo doo...)

2. Fort Tyron Park

Last Sunday (December 20), I met up with my mentor Rachel Straus again and we walked through Fort Tyron Park where you can also see the Cloisters museum. I absolutely love talking to Rachel and I derive a lot of light and life that helps me move forward every time I spend time with her.
I am getting glimpses of a hundred more options, choices and ways to live now more than at any previous point in my life. I have gotten myself to a place where I have opened up more possibilities for myself.
A powerful light bulb that I've had last weekend was with respect to "narratives." Narratives are stories that I tell myself. Narratives can also be stories that my family or society and culture have told me while I was growing up. An example of a narrative that I almost bought into was that I was to get an education, work, marry, have children, become a grandmother and then retire. But I began to see that for what it was: a narrative. It's a story I could choose to internalize only if I wanted to but I do not necessarily have to.
Now I am aware that there are other narratives out there available to me, and if I do not find them I will create them for myself.

3. Arcadia

It's wanting to know that makes us matter. Otherwise we're going out the way we came in. 
- Tom Stoppard, Arcadia

On the evening of the same day, us Group 48'ers watched the closing performance of Group 45's Arcadia. It was one of the best shows I've seen since coming to New York so far. They were absolutely amazing. Watching work like this done by students from the school strengthens my faith towards my journey. It reminds me that I am in for a four-year program, and I can take my time. There is absolutely no need to rush. I do not have to figure it all out now. I will get there and I am surrounded by people who want to and will help me.

“It makes me so happy. To be at the beginning again, knowing almost nothing.... A door like this has cracked open five or six times since we got up on our hind legs. It's the best possible time of being alive, when almost everything you thought you knew is wrong.” ​- Tom Stoppard, Arcadia

4. Juilliard Drama Pictures!
I almost forgot to include in this post that the pictures from our first Drama Division Photoshoot were finally up at the Stephanie P. McClelland Drama Theater lobby! Here they are :)

Group 48!

The Drama Division (Playwrights and Actors) 2015-2016